If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
