Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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