We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
