As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
