She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
