dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
