drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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