my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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