just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
