She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Congratulations! We have a period
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