So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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