She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
