1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
