Non-Jews are for practice
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
