he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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