Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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