FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
