my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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