its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
