just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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