sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was like eating out sand paper
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This baby is an asshole
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
