please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
