Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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