So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
