If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
