If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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