I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
