scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
