Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
