do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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