I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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