it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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