you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
