i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
