hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
