Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
