New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
