Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
