I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Randomize
