does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
