I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
