i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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