she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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