i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
cat food counts as protein by the way
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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