John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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