Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and she was petting her beer can
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
