I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
