I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
