When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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