This is not my ceiling
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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