i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
