my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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