Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
